Antidote for a Mother’s Pride

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How do you know when your child is sucking her thumb? She’s covered from head to toe in her own excrement and remains peacefully asleep. True story.

Although few things have come easily to me in life, hard work and determination have often overcompensated to pave the way for success. This reminds me of the six months that I poured into marathon training back in 2010. I had a dream; prepared and completed every scheduled run despite numerous injuries; and met my marathon goal by finishing in less than four and a half hours. These are the kind of personal victories that, unfortunately, make one a little prideful.

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Washing Away Stains of Discontent

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One year after my husband and I moved into our first home, we purchased our first new appliances: a washer and dryer. This upgrade was more energy efficient, which would benefit our pockets as well as the environment. I should have been content, but I wasn’t.

In this country, we are encouraged to pursue our career ambitions, raise a family/leave a legacy, and buy things…lots of things. It almost felt like a rite of passage to buy new appliances and project a confident air of financial stability. We had earned it, after all.

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The Wait of 30

The Wait of 30

“If you want to have children, you should have them by 30.”

When you are 26-years-old and enthralled in exciting research as a graduate student, one of the last things you want to hear is that your biological clock is not only ticking, it’s pounding.

I think every woman who desires to have children dreams about the magic of their first pregnancy – what those first kicks will be like and how the warmth of their baby bump will fill their heart with indescribable joy. I am willing to bet that few, if any, consider the physical and emotional pain that can accompany the loss of your first child through miscarriage. I certainly didn’t.

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Learning to Unlearn

To unlearn is to rewrite, to update what you know with wisdom.

I am the queen of response. No, really, I avoid planning. Somehow, amazingly, I have always been a good student, which is how I found myself in 2012 simultaneously possessing two master’s degrees and an overwhelming sense of paralysis at the very idea of creating a baby registry. Despite my academic accomplishments (not the least of which was surviving my undergraduate English degree in a sea of literary eccentrics), I realized very early in pregnancy that no amount of studying, work ethic, or book knowledge would prepare me for motherhood. None. In fact, I would soon discover that my ambitious spirit of individualism, the one that had made me successful in nearly every pursuit up until that moment, must evolve to meet the complex and unpredictable demands of motherhood. So, too, would my understanding of relationships and the world forever change.

This blog chronicles that walk through motherhood that I continue daily, namely the process of being humbled over and over again by my responsibility to care for human life outside of my own. The most important skill of motherhood, as I discuss here, is the ability to unlearn the ways of the world and to internalize the ways of the heart.

I wish you rich moments as you read.