I think blogs breed narcissism. But, then again, what social media account doesn’t?
Ironically, this is one of the reasons why I began my blog in the first place. By my third year of parenthood (shortly after my daughter’s birth), I started to feel particularly weary from endless “perfect child”/“perfect mother” musings that I encountered throughout Facebook.
When you are raising your children hours away from family and find yourself daily questioning your parenting abilities, this environment is, quite frankly, damaging.
So I had a pretty bold idea. Why not use a blog to work through my own struggles? Why not highlight how I am coming to peace with imperfection? Why not share my story to, perhaps, empower others?
Except what I didn’t know then is this: Honesty makes people uncomfortable.
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I teach first-year composition, and my blog keeps me accountable: I stay active in the writing process. What I am learning, however, is that even when you stay committed to your initial purpose, your audience may change.
I remember a conversation I had with my husband in the early months of my blog.
“I got six new followers today…and they’re all men.”
“Really? Well, I’m not surprised.”
It was the first time I had considered that my blog may be viewed differently than I had originally intended. But, still, I persevered. I wanted to encourage other mothers, like myself, who were afraid to project a different narrative.
Then came the knives.
A post about navigating my small town’s culture as an outsider.
A post about how I became a believer in vaccines.
A post about raising children apart from the screen.
As I often remind my students, disagreement is healthy. I am truly grateful for the dialogue my blog has fostered. But the truth is, there will always be a louder voice that tries to silence yours.
Keep writing anyway.
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Has real life changed over my first year of blogging? Sure. Writing opens the door to all kinds of vulnerability. But the discomfort that honesty creates in you and me has a greater purpose: it helps us see other perspectives.
I don’t have this whole thing figured out, but, if you are a parent, you have a friend in the trenches…even if we choose to raise our children differently. And perhaps this is the greatest of all things we can unlearn.
Though the highs are fleeting and the lows may linger, the blog – I must admit – is an incredible outlet for it all.
Thank you for reading.
You go girl! So glad you are blogging…will see you again 🙂
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Thank you for being such an encouraging reader! I always appreciate your insights 🙂
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My original intent in starting shopgirl was to offer a free source of management and sales advice to retail employees. My readers though had other interests, the narratives of my experiences. I even went as fast as to change the book I’m working with great confidence based on the feedback of my readers.
My step parenting blog though was started much like yours, with the intent of therapy through an incredibly difficult and lonely experience. I hoped to find like minded individuals for support, but instead over time the blog had just become a personal journal of rambling that old friends from high school use to figure out why I was so different and odd in those awkward years.
A year and a half in, my readers are helping to pave the road for many muse. Its fascinating how a perspective and goal can change so quickly.
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Blogging is really a fascinating genre, and I feel like you quickly learn as an author “what sells”. To give in or not to give in? The evolution of your blogging is really fascinating. Thank you for sharing! I think for myself time is a pretty limiting factor. I enjoy watching my children grow more than my blog. But that’s the great thing about this platform, it can change with you 🙂 I really appreciate your words here.
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I go through these phases where I want to write and then I don’t want to write because, really, who am I writing to? I went from writing a personal blog to writing to an audience. Now I don’t feel like I can really say what I want to say because of my tiny ‘audience.’ (And mostly because the way my wife and I are old-fashioned in the way we raise our kids.) It’s a struggle because I use writing as an outlet. Why not have a private blog? Why not just write everything on a Word document? Okay…sorry for thinking out loud.
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I understand…on ALL fronts! It’s really easy to get wrapped up in the blog – the writing, the marketing, the “must try harder”. I always wanted to write a book, and now I wonder if the blog has ruined me forever with giving me insight into how others actually view my writing (for better or for worse). I’m not discouraged from it, but blogging has definitely altered how I see that dream now. I do appreciate your honesty here. And the parenting, your children are the only “readers” that really matter 🙂
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Congrats on year one, and keep writing!
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Thank you for reading and encouraging!
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Oh, if you could have a glimpse of the impact you make on others lives 🙂 You are encouraging me to keep sharing my (mostly very imperfect) drawings, which feels like baring my soul to all. In fact, your brave posting of your blogs on your facebook page made me think to myself, is it really being honest and true to hide away a secret project (which I had been doing for quite some time) from the people who actually know who I am? I was letting worry about judgement keep me in hiding. Keep writing, keep inspiring, and keep believing in yourself as well. You sound like a perfectly imperfect mother full of love and courage and strength. Love always, a
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Thank you, Amanda. Oh, how I savor our friendship. You inspire me as well, and I am proud of you for taking a leap with your art. We both know you’re the real artist in this relationship 🙂 I hope you can always find encouragement in the blog. I believe we were all designed to be bold with our gifts, even when we aren’t quite sure where life is taking us. Your unending love means so much.
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I loved reading this post. I agree there is a bit of narcissism in blogging. But we do have something to say, to share to whomever would read, right?
I also believe the comments, even negative sharpens us. I’m not a year yet, but still loving this forum.
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Thank you for your kind words. Indeed, we should feel encouraged to share our perspectives…even when it makes us vulnerable, even when criticism will likely be offered. There are always opportunities for growth AND kindness in our response 🙂
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Reblogged this on Vinitha S and commented:
I admire her for her honesty!
A read for all the newbies and my fellow bloggers who have experienced the same.
Do not let your qualms or uncertainties restrict you from your passion.
Its your determination that keeps you going!
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Thank you for sharing my post! It means so much to know you connected. Your blog is an encouragement to all of us 🙂
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Its my pleasure. Thank you Lauren 🙂
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I just find it interesting that you write with a certain audience in mind and a different one shows up.
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Truthfully, I find myself surprised with each blog post. You never know who you will reach, who will find a connection, who will feel compelled to respond. It’s all very interesting and – at least in my opinion – unpredictable.
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Congrats on a year ..and thanks for sharing so openly.. useful honesty.. blogging is a funny game at times … 6 men!! I can relate that in my twitter account.
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Thank you so much! Sometimes it isn’t easy pressing “Publish”, but how rewarding it is when others connect to your thoughts and experiences. Thank you for reading and sharing your own insights – it’s one of my favorite things about blogging 🙂
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Beautiful.
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Thank you for connecting with me on my latest blog post http://bit.ly/2c5uhfA – ‘Thoughts and Mixed Emotions As a Mum And Parenting Blogger’. “I don’t have this whole thing figured out, but, if you are a parent, you have a friend in the trenches…even if we choose to raise our children differently. ” How true is this- Just because we think differently, or we don’t raise our kids the same doesn’t mean we have to be against one another. Hold your hand out and help a fellow parent. They may just hold theirs out for you when you need it. We all need a hand along the way at some stage. xx
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Thank you for your thoughts, Clare. What a comfort to know our unique voices can actually connect us as well. In those special moments of unity, I am reminded why I began blogging in the first place. Every parent is looking for that little bit of extra encouragement. Thank you for reading!
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Absolutely a little bit of encouragement gets us through xx
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Exactly why I started a blog 15 months ago……
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🙂
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It’s really easy to get into a competitive cycle at the expense of honesty. I love how you are living outside that cycle – and giving others permission to do the same.
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Absolutely, competition is always present (in blogging, in parenthood), but I think there is a way to thrive outside of it. And the community, once you finally find it, is pretty amazing. Thank you for your encouragement.
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I don´t have children, but this post was amazing and so is your writing. I have not read something that actually “read itself” for a long time. From the first sentence until the last, even for a one second I did not have an urge to skip to the end or to something else, as I usually do when going through blogs I discover.
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Thank you for your kind words here. When you write something so personal, you just hope someone else will connect – that your experience will serve some greater purpose. Thank you for the encouragement and for reading.
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(((((Excellent!
I started my blog to scream, cry, and mourn my sister, but it became so much more.
Congrats on being authentic!
From Minnesota.
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