When I was single, I indulged in Hemingway. I have always been equally fascinated and repulsed by his life. His words – the ones that alcoholism and recklessness produced – sang to me a song my heart knew so well: Love hurts.
Early in my blogging journey it became clear to me that I was no Hemingway – that the kind of sacrifices famous writers have made were no option for me.
My family will always win.
There are certain insurmountable challenges that arise when you decide to begin your writing career after your children are born.
Inspiration is likely to hit when you have no device or pen and paper with which to record your thoughts.
Writing can blur the lines of reality. Sometimes it is a struggle to maintain focus on my kids when the perfect line enters my mind.
And, well, little ones are physical barriers. If I attempt to write during daytime, non-nap hours, there is at least one child on my lap. Because I don’t want to be remembered as Mom the Blogger, I do much of my writing at night.
But, unlike Hemingway, I am plagued by motherhood fatigue.
Last night, an idea for a future post came to me. But Tuesday nights are spent connecting with my husband. We watch an hour of cheesy television and do a little soul-searching. In my heart, I knew the words would leave me if I didn’t type them.
But I closed the laptop and disconnected. This is the choice I often must make as a writer who happens to also be an educator, wife, and mother. Be present, Lauren.
If you are a blogger, I don’t know how you navigate family and writing. For myself, I am finding there is no magical balance, and this challenge only increases as my children grow.
Deep down I know life is about more than my writing and what I can accomplish in the little free time I am afforded. It’s about human relationships.
And I think that’s what haunted Hemingway at the end of his life. I, however, am striving for a different ending.
For when my head hits the pillow, it is my family – not my words – that I see.
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