Orbiting Grief

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I made foolish mistakes in my youth. Too many involved the opposite sex.

In the last year, two of the men I gave pieces of my heart to have died. I’m at a loss.

But I’m a mother, and there is no slowing down. Only moving forward…even when I have to crawl.

It really, really hurts.

I sometimes wonder why God leads us down certain paths. You’re walking along, basking in life until He offers an unexpected detour. A door closes. Distance begins to separate. The room deconstructs. This was the theme of my dating life.

In many ways, I came into my own in college. For the first time, I realized I wasn’t the only one who loved learning and diversity. The people I met along the way? They understood me as I believe few ever will. In college I didn’t yet have to live the consequences.

Now, I get to share my adventures – appropriately edited – with the young adults I teach. In some small way, it offers closure. Perhaps they will see what I foolishly could not.

But I don’t think we learn until we feel the pain – the burn of intentions gone awry.

And it just might be the price we pay for another trip around the sun.

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