It’s the reason marriages fall apart. And it has everything to do with children.
If you are early in your parenting journey, you are likely in this season. Or you know someone who is.
You and your partner stop talking. No, not entirely, but you cease to communicate about things beyond your children. The appointments, routines, and increasingly verbal little people interrupt any semblance of meaningful conversation.
My husband and I, we’re there. And it’s ridiculously hard.
A current event peaks our interest. But mental space doesn’t allow us to remember it for four days when life finally offers time to chat.
Big decisions loom and we find ourselves disappearing into screens and other forms of escape because, well, we just don’t want to be vulnerable when we’re tired.
Or, most recently, we finally do get the opportunity to connect away from the kids, but our work lives take center stage. Across a crowded room of networking, we try to remember the last time we even had a date night that was just the two of us.
At some point, a relationship devoid of intimate conversation falls short.
But my argument is this: It is a season, and it will not last – unless you let it.
Eventually your children will learn conversation norms.
Eventually your kids’ schedules will stabilize.
Eventually you will find a way to preserve your bond.
Just a few days ago, I acknowledged that we’re there – that I need to try a little harder.
I carefully slipped a yellow Post-it into my husband’s laptop just before preschool drop-off.
“I love you forever.”
But I wasn’t satisfied.
And even when the note inevitably gets lost in the pile of our insane lives, I think he’ll remember that I wrote it.
For what we’re building together in these years is greater than any career path, any extracurricular, any hobby. We’re building little people.
And, somehow, I hope we’re demonstrating that this incredible mission can be accomplished…even without words.
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Unlearning 
This is so true. It doesn’t last forever but when they are infants and toddlers it is HARD. It does level out and it’s important to make each other a priority.
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Absolutely. The hardest piece for us is that grandparents live many, many hours away. We are a two-person team, which means we are stretched since we both work full-time. I think it will make our marriage stronger and better in the long run, but it’s very hard right now. Thank you for sharing!
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I agree! Our parents live across the country and we are a 2 person team and I definitely think it makes us stronger. Hang in there you got this!
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Hugs to you! Thank you for the encouragement 🙂
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I hear you on this! We take family time together on the weekends, which is wonderful, but if J and I talk to each other in grown-up voices for long, our toddler interrupts and demands, “Talk to (her own name), Mama!” “Don’t talk to Daddy!”
Maybe regular date nights will be in our future… although logistics, and tired, and money… I like your reminder that this is just a season…assuming we don’t passively let it carry on indefinitely.
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Sounds familiar! The logistics of childcare are insane for us without family nearby and with our full-time jobs, so I totally understand. Yes, only a season…it’s only a season 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
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Great post!
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Thank you! I plan to look back on it when a personal pep talk is needed 🙂
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This is SO true. I’ve noticed that the times I’m most annoyed with my spouse are a direct result of simply NOT talking. And your littles are at a crazy age for it too- they need you all the time. Keep up the good attitude- it IS a season. My eldest have reached 5 and 7…and they play. On their own. Finally! And we sometimes have time to talk! (And sometimes I miss them needing me… 🙂 ) Here’s hoping you get some good date nights in here soon! (I have a babysitting promise and a giftcard from a student still from last year, stashed like a treasure, just waiting to coordinate schedules…!)
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Thanks for addressing this very real subject!
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